The Cheapskates Guide to Christmas Lunch

How to fit in the most of your festive feast

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For the cheapskates out there, Christmas lunch is a goldmine of great food that may only be eaten once every year. Here’s our guide to getting the most out of your Christmas lunch.

The preparation.

Today’s preparation determines tomorrow’s achievement, and for Christmas lunch, this couldn’t be any truer. Start your prep by drinking copious amounts of water to increase your stomach capacity, giving you an endless pit for Christmas lunch. Start chewing lots of gum too, to turn your measly jaw muscles into chewing machines. You should also do some breathing exercises – you may get a little overwhelmed by the mass amount of food on display.

The morning of.

The idea that you need to have an empty stomach to eat more is fake news. Begin your Christmas by chowing down on fruits, whole grains or lean protein. This will give you more energy to eat with, kick your metabolism into gear and make you hungrier just in time for your Christmas mass-consumption. Fashion needn’t be your friend on Christmas day either, so be sure to wear loose shirts & stretch pants to make your food-pregnancy a comfortable one.

The lunch.

You’ve joined the family for lunch, picked your seat at the table, cracked your bon-bon, slid on your Christmas hat and loaded up your plate. Now it’s time for business.

Stand up for the duration of your lunch. By sitting and eating, you are putting pressure on your stomach, restricting its ability to expand as much as possible.

The start is key. It is essential that you begin by eating as much as possible before your brain tells the rest of your body what the hell is going on. It also ensures you can return quicker for seconds. And the order of eating is important too – start with the meats, while they are hot and juicy; then move on to any vegetables and salads; and finish on the carbs.

Avoid all condiments. Along with taking up more room in your stomach, some condiments also have the effect of creating stomach-volcanoes – and you want to be in prime form during Christmas lunch.

The Drink. This is a tough one. You don’t want to take up too much stomach room, but liquids are essential to get food down to your stomach most effectively. So be sure to have small sips throughout to keep your throat in shape, but don’t drink carbonated drinks until the end of your lunch consumption. They’ll start gurgling in your stomach if you drink them too early, but if you save it to towards the end, you will burp up any excess air, creating more room for your festive fest.

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